Audibly Offensive

Note: While I know there are A LOT of Alabama fans that are not like this, I am talking about the “stereotypical” ‘Bama fan here. Any threats should be sent to chris@audiblyoffensive.com

Dear Alabama Fan,

Yes, I do realize that your precious team is 3-0. So are countless others in college football, including a few inside your own conference (Florida, LSU and Auburn to name a few).

While I freely admit that I have gone out of my way to bash you and your team at every opportunity, there is one thing that most Alabama fans do that I have yet to take to task. The “end all, be all solution” to any college football conversation you get into.

“How many Nashunul Champeeunchips have ya’ll won?”

Yes, I realize that my beloved Auburn Tigers only claim one National Championship. 1957. I also realize that this title was won long before I was never born. Hell, my mother wasn’t even 10!

I also realize that since 1957, Alabama has won 9 of it’s 12 “titles.”

Earlier this week, a friend of mine from my high school days asked me that same “stereotypical Alabama question” and as always, the damn thing made my skin crawl. I’ve always heard that some of Alabama’s coveted 12 titles were “disputed,” so I decided to take a deeper look into it.

What I found out was that the evil Crimson Empire’s claim of having more titles than anyone is nothing more than an Alabama Crimson Fraud.

Let me pose this question. Would you claim something if no one else does?

Hypothetical situation (and I apologize for those of you that don’t follow wrestling): Let’s say a wrestler… we’ll name him… Mark “The Judge” Crocker… wins a title for a small, independent wrestling promotion that is shown on television, the internet and distributes DVDs. He wins that company’s World Title six different times. He’s a six time World Champ, is he not?

But when he leaves that small promotion to go wrestle for the WWE (the largest thing there is), those six titles aren’t recognized.

In fact, in the grand scheme of things, those six smaller “World Titles” don’t mean squat.

Now, it’s nearly impossible to say what’s legit and what’s not before 1936, when the Associated Press began voting on its title, so Bama’s titles from 1925, 1926, 1930 and 1934 are safe from me… for now.

Then comes Bama’s championship year of 1941. No… not an AP title, but the Houlgate System. Fun fact: Notre Dame won that title in 1927 and USC won it in 1929. It was the only title they won that year, just like Bama in ’41. Bama is the only one of those three that deem the Houlgate System worthy.

Not going to argue 1961, 64 and 65. AP Titles. No questioning them.

Except in 1964 when the voters did their thing BEFORE the bowl games. Bama went into its bowl tilt with Texas at 10-0. They left 10-1. Arkansas was the only team that year to go unbeaten.

I’ll still give that one to them though. If the AP says it. It goes.

Then comes more of the bullshit.

1973: 11-1 and won the UPI. (Back then, the UPI was the coaches poll. I’ll give you this one… but 73 was such a traffic jam that four others, Ohio State, Michigan, Notre Dame and Oklahoma all won titles too.)

FYI, The Irish won the AP and OSU, UM and OU do NOT claim that year as a National Championship year.

FYI: Did you know that the UPI voted on their title before the Sugar Bowl that year? Bama played in that game… so did Notre Dame. Did I also mention that Notre Dame went undefeated?

So, essentially, The Irish and Bama played a defacto National Championship game. Bama lost, yet still claimed the title because the Coaches Poll voted before the bowl games?

What if Texas were to claim the title should they lose to Bama in the BCS title game? That would be viewed by Bama fans across the world as heresy. It would be laughable, but for some reason, Alabama does it.

Then we have the 1978 and 1979 teams: 11-1 and 12-0… AP titles and two of the greatest teams in college football history. I’m not EVER going to argue those.

And I’m even less likely to argue the 1992 title where they kicked the shit out of Miami.

I am, however, going to argue how quick Alabama is to claim a National Championship when no one else will. Sure, USC, Iowa, Notre Dame and Oklahoma could have claimed more, but they chose not to because mathematical championships and rinky-dink titles dilute the true legacy of what truly is a National Champion.

So Alabama Fan, while you claim 12 “Nashunul Champeeunchips”, there are a few that you’re pretty quick to latch onto when no one else will.

Not taking anything away from your beloved Crimson Empire. They’ve won more than Auburn. A lot more than Auburn, but Auburn only claims an AP title in 1957.

They could easily claim a title in 1913, 1983 (where they picked up a few of those mathematical titles) and 1993 (where they got another one of those stupid things despite being on a bowl and TV ban)… the year after your last one.

If we’re all claiming National Championships the way Alabama has, then Notre Dame has somewhere around 20, Yale has 18 and Auburn has three.

Auburn was also the last team from this state to win a “Nashunul Champeeunchip.”

So maybe I should be asking you, Alabama Fan, when your last “Nashunul Champeeunchip” was, although the 13th title could come on January 7.

-Patrick Swafford