Audibly Offensive

Let the countdown begin, bitches. We are 13 days away from Super Bowl 46 as we get set for a game that…. well… one out of the four of us wanted to see. We’re also 13 days away from an Audibly Offensive Radio first. If you live near Pittsburgh… you might want to pay attention to the start of the show.

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The original four return for a breakdown of the BCS Title game, the NFL playoffs and a little silent treatment. Don’t forget to listen to the show Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2pm Eastern on WWPM Medianet and on Wednesdays at 6:30pm Eastern on 101.9 Fox FM.

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With the recent success that we have seen at Audibly Offensive Radio, I thought I’d take a few minutes before we record this week’s show to get some things off my chest. They’re all positive, I promise.

Let me start off by saying one thing. If you’re reading this, we would not be where we are without you. For that, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

When Chris Lemke and I started this little project in 2008, we honestly did it just for the fun of it. I don’t think we ever dreamed about any syndication on internet radio stations or winning awards that are voted on by listeners of said stations.

That said, in the last week, those two things have happened to us. We were named the best talk show hosts and best talk show on WWPM Medianet’s annual poll. We were also noticed by James Lacy of the Lace Show Radio Networks and 101.9 Fox FM and were added to their weekly format starting this Wednesday night at 6:30 p.m. Eastern.

Two stations… two awards… and this year is just getting started.

There are a few people I’d like to thank for all of their hard work and dedication to this show. They don’t get the credit they deserve and a lot of times, I forget to acknowledge them.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank Lemke, Chris Lundy, Todd Bobenreith and Christa Turner. These four have been the most creative, most insightful voices I’ve worked with in any media format and I value their opinions to the ends of this world. Each of them have contributed to this show and this website in their own amazing ways and our success is due to them.

To Mark Crocker, our friend and almighty webmaster. You’ve basically done all of the dirty work for us because I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to making all of this crap work. You’ve made our setup virtually stupid proof… which is what I need.

To Jake Leonard and James Lacy, our two affiliates. Thank you for having the balls to take a chance on an unproven show and putting us on your stations. I can promise you this, we will only continue to raise the bar for our show and any other show that sees us as competition.

I do need to thank all of our loved ones, especially my fiancee Veronica, for putting up with this weekly carnage. It’s loud, it’s hectic… but it’s our passion. Thank you for putting up with it and embracing it.

A massive thank you to our voice over genius, Whit McGhee. He’s the voice you hear at the beginning of each show and the voice that does our commercials. The guy’s talent is immeasurable and I’m thankful that he’s always willing to lend his voice to our crazy little world.

Then there’s a few people that we haven’t done work with in a while that helped get us off the ground. Guys like Cory Forgeron, who used to do our MMA shows with us.  Justin Whisante and John “Big Gravy” Nicholson, who filled in on occasions before we became a lot more consistent in recording.

Finally, there’s the people behind the scenes that do nothing but promote the Hell out of us. People like Jason Allman, James “The Motormouth” Burton, David Valdez, Leslie Kelly, Stef Patton and Guillermo Cummings (who also did our logos).

I’ve always said that this is a team effort and as you can see, it truly is. Guys… as Ric Flair once said… “we’ve only just begun.” Thank you for all of your continued support and enjoy this week’s Audibly Offensive Radio.

Sincerely,

Patrick Swafford

Yeah. We know we did this already. The first attempt at it sucked. We’re doing it again. Besides, we summed up people’s 2011 in seven words or less. Here’s our 1/9/12 in seven words or less: “No show this week. BCS Title Game.” Enjoy!!

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It’s that special time of year filled with conjecture, projections, and poking Mel Kiper’s hair with a stick to see if it’s an evil alien symbiote. Short answer, yes it is. Long answer, it only became evil after merging with Kiper. The draft also holds significance for Audibly Offensive because its where Patrick Swafford and Chris Lemke first merged forces to become Voltron, Defender of the Universe.  I was the legs, arms, body, and head. Pat was the multicolored ass. Somethings never change.

So now that we know the order of the first 20, the bowl games are slipping away, and the college football season is ending, maybe the NFL draft pondering begin.

And with that…Audibly Offensive is on the Clock.

1. Indianapolis Colts – Andrew Luck – QB/Stanford
So this is the no brainer award for the no brainer pick. No. Stop. Seriously. Quit trying to make this something it’s not. Quit trying to find reasons why the Colts shouldn’t take Luck. Quit trying to downplay just what a special player this is. 4 Incompletions at the Fiesta Bowl. Four. This isn’t about getting rid of Peyton, it’s not about anything but taking what is inevitably the next step forward for the Colts.  The Steelers could’ve taken Dan Marino in the 1984 draft and gone from Bradshaw to Marino but didn’t because they thought Terry had a lot more good years. Colts won’t repeat this mistake.

2. St Louis Rams – Matt Kalil – OT/USC
We have seen some great stuff out of Sam Bradshaw, unfortunately this year all we saw was him either on his ass or sitting on the bench injured. Priority players need to be protected. You made this your franchise QB, bringing in a sure fire stud like Kalil is the absolute best way to keep him there. As much as I never want to give credit to USC for doing anything, you can’t take a damn thing away from this guy and though he might not be the next Jake Long, he will do a lot to making Sam Bradford and Stephen Jackson high five from the trainer’s room.

3. Minnesota Vikings – Justin Blackmon – WR/OkSt
2 time award winner for receiver of the year and guess what…it’s not even close when it comes to the number 2. I know the desire will be to go to Robert Griffin III here but I believe that the Vikings will give Ponder a chance and an incredible weapon before they are ready to shut him down. I will make a special notation here in that, I do believe this is a spot where Washington or Miami might jump up and grab this pick. Vikings need a lot of help and getting the most out of this draft might be a stockpile of players.

4. Cleveland Browns – Robert Griffin III – QB/ Baylor
I would like to see Colt McCoy get another shot where he’s not continuously on the ground and has some time to actually play. I think that he could get that and actually could have either Trent Richardson or Justin Blackmon in this spot to help him out if someone jumps up for a trade. However, playing this draft straight up, if Griffin falls to the 4 spot, which again I don’t believe he does, Cleveland will NOT pass him up.

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Morris Claiborne – CB/LSU
Tampa Bay was just awful this year, losing all of the momentum that they had built during last year’s season. The offense still needs a lot of help and they could use a solid wide receiver but this will be a case of filling a major need and taking the best player available. With this possibly be Ronde Barber’s final year, Claiborne (Geaux Tigers) will keep that level of consistency in the backfield.

6. Washington Redskins – Trent Richardson – RB/Bama
I think that Washington is going to be the team who has the most to give when it comes to jumping up and taking RGIII and Shanahan needs to do something to create a spark offensively in this team because Grossman on Ice just isn’t going to cut it. Now it’s possible that Washington keeps this pick and goes after someone like Matty Flynn (Geaux Tigers) but again, playing the draft straight up as it is, Richardson should be an autopick here and will add several dimensions to just about any team.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars – Michael Floyd – WR/ND
Okay, I said that Blaine Gabbert was going to be the biggest bust of the 2011 Draft and as always I was right. Can’t throw the ball if you are closing your eyes scared of the pass rush dude. That said, he needs to have SOMEONE to throw to and there’s not a lot of help offensively outside of ole reliable MJD. This is a reach of a pick but Floyd’s gonna be the best you can get at this point.

8. Carolina Panthers – Quinton Coples – DT/UNC
Carolina went from scoring 16 td’s two years ago to scoring 48 this year. However in a division with Matt Ryan, Josh Freeman, and Drew Brees, you have to be able to play some form of defense and that’s where they Panthers are porous at best. Thankfully having a defensively minded head coach will be able to tell you what an absolute beast Coples is. This guy immediately improves the defense and puts them back in moving towards the right direction.

9. Miami Dolphins – Riley Reiff – OT/Iowa
The other team that could be playing in the Griffin sweepstakes is the Dolphins. I honestly think a lot of this will depend on who they hire as their new head coach. Obviously Matt Moore isn’t the answer but making your team the slightest bit more attractive to a free agent pickup wouldn’t be the worst thing. I see Miami being the team to actually pull in a backup QB like Flynn and shoring up the line for that person and Reggie Bush will have to be the best way to keep Miami on the map. Otherwise they are  already in the Matt Barkley sweepstakes.

10. Buffalo Bills – Jonathan Martin – OT/Stanford
Bills showed that they have some forward momentum this year and where definitely the feel good story of the first half of the year, but when you crash down to reality, you crash down hard. It was nice to see Spiller start to get some serious reps and live up to all of that potential but the thing that Buffalo, Spiller, Jackson, and Fitzpatrick are going to need is time. Martin is the best of a phenomenal offensive line that perpetually kept Andrew Luck upright and healthy and created great holes for their backs. Should shore up that o-line for a long time.

11. Kansas City Chiefs – David DeCastro – OG/Stanford
Kansas City is a sort of where do we begin scenario. The defense looked good at times, the offense looked terrible pretty much always outside of Dwayne Bowe (Geaux Tigers).  Jamaal Charles and Dexter McCluster will certainly love to have a big blocking presence that worked so well in giving Stanford almost 250 rushing yards against Oklahoma State. DeCastro has great hands and a huge upside. Not a sexy pick, but a good one to start with.

12. Seattle Seahawks – Devon Still – DT/PennSt
Another team that is desperately waiting for a QB and a team that is eagerly waiting to see what Landry Jones decides to do, but Jones would be a pretty significant reach here. Carroll has been able to turn that Seattle defense into something of a surprise this year and barring something miraculous happening, adding a stud like Devon Still would give them another notch towards reclaiming the NFC West. Not that its something really worth bragging about.

13. Arizona Cardinals – Alshon Jeffery – WR/USC
This is where Arizona needs to put it’s money where it’s mouth is. They resigned Larry Fitzgerald on the promise that they would be moving forward actively to get back to another Super Bowl. Now Arizona has a lot of needs but its special teams and defense are terrible. The offensive line needs help and Kevin Kolb needs someone else to throw to. Jeffery might be a reach here but he’s a big target with great hands and a massive upside. He should play like an Anquin Boldin and help Fitzgerald in the receiving game.

14. Dallas Cowboys – Dre Kirkpatrick – CB/Bama
If Jeffery is a reach than Kirkpatrick is a steal and depending on the Griffin tradestakes could be off the board by the time that Jerry Jones comes up on the board but let’s see how this plays out. Kirkpatrick is a helluva corner back and will immediately make an impact on a Dallas team that desperately needs to fill this hole in their defense. This is a best case scenerio for the Cowboys.

15. Philadelphia Eagles – Zach Brown – LB/UNC
Zach Brown is a freak of nature. Andy Reid has to do something to get this ship going right and getting a strong versatile pass rusher has to step in and help this line. The defense hasn’t been the same since Jim Johnson died and while the secondary is still on paper great, nobody played up to potential outside of Asante Samuel.

16. New York Jets -Courtney Upshaw – OLB/Bama
I can’t imagine what the reaction is going to be on draft day when the Jets don’t take a quarterback and instead do something to stop the bleeding that their defensive line has let happen all year. Yes, Sanchez is a major problem. Yes, the receiving core are floundering and Holmes is back to his old tricks. But when you have a player on the board like Upshaw, a mind like Rex Ryan cannot pass that up.

17. Cincinnati Bengals (From Oakland)  - Alfonzo Denard – CB/Nebraska
The Carson Palmer trade kicks in right now for Cincy. They are a surprisingly strong team and did wonders for the themselves offensively in last year’s draft picking up Andy Dalton and AJ Green. Now with two other high profile picks, they can address a big need and shore up the secondary opposite Leon Hall. Alfonzo Denard is a very solid pick up for this team and addresses a major need as Big Ben and Joe Flacco continue to throw the ball more and more.

18. San Diego Chargers – Nick Perry – DE/USC
I could write an entirely separate article about the sheer idiocy of the Chargers organization but let’s stick how badly they are going to mess up this year’s draft. Now personally if I was AJ Smith I would do everything I could to get Phillip Rivers some more help since they are becoming the 2005 Eagles and never running the ball. But since any receiver is going to be a reach, they are going to have to go with the best player available and get some solid young blood like Nick Perry out of Southern Cal. A good impact player with excellent speed and good size, he should fit into the Charger’s 4-3 Defense well.

19. Chicago Bears – Peter Konz – C/Wisconsin
Its been rough sailing for the Bears after dismissing longtime center Olin Kreutz  but this one falls right into their laps. This is like Dallas where its a perfect marriage of need and player. Konz is a monster, smart, and a locker room leader just like Kreutz was. Its rare to see a first round center taken (Pittsburgh’s Pouncey was a right guard) but when you have someone like Konz ready to go, you take him.

20. Tennessee Titans – Cordy Glenn – OG/Georgia
I would be surprised to see Hasselback start again next year after seeing some impressive glances from Jake Locker and the Titans desperately need to have someone be able to get some holes for Chris Johnson to run through. Cordy Glenn is a big bad man, who plays like demon, and most importantly for Tennessee, doesn’t get flagged excessively. Should be a good new start for Tennessee.

WE ARE NOW IN PLAYOFF MODE WHERE I’M MAKING MY PREDICTIONS FOR WHO IS GOING WHERE IN THIS YEARS SUPER BOWL.21. Denver Broncos – Mark Barron – SS/Bama
This has been the hardest one to pick for. What do you get for the team that needs so much? The defense has been the bright spot in everything and youd think that the offense would need the most addressing but Jon Fox is also significantly more defensively minded and can see him going with the picking up an all around floater backfield player. The other person I was playing around with is Lamar Miller, running back out of Miami, he’d be a good complimentary blend for Tebow’s offense but I think it’d be too much of a reach for Denver at this point.

22. Detroit Lions – Mike Adams – OT/OSU
Keep. Stafford. Healthy. That has to be the mantra repeated over and over and over again by Detroit on draft day. I actually love this pick for Detroit because Mike Adams is not just a sturdy anchor for this line but he’s extremely athletic and isn’t penalty prone like everyone else in the Motor City. Adams will help with the running game and give Stafford time to throw the ball, its a great fit.

23. New York Giants – Dont’a Hightower – LB/Bama
Giants are facing some of the same problems that the Ravens and the Steelers are looking at with this draft and getting some youth on their defenses. Coughlin would love to be able to pick up a player with caliber and pedigree of Dont’a Hightower. He would make an immediate impact, works extremely well in the scheme, and is a solid locker room guy. Hightower will make a great pro and give fits to Vick and Romo.

24. Houston Texans – Kendell Wright – WR/Baylor
The Texans defense has finally shown their potential, the running game is clicking, they have one of the best wide receivers in the game, and if healthy could finally make a run at the Super Bowl. The one need I think that needs to be addressed first and foremost is making sure that Andre Johnson isn’t the only one who can catch the ball. Jacoby Jones is a solid number 3 slot receiver but has been forced to play 2. I think that Kendell Wright could be a steal in this draft and in my first draft of writing this even had him going to San Diego. He runs excellent, plays his way open, and has excellent hands. Some will have him as a reach but this is an excellent counterpart to run alongside Johnson.

25. Cincinnati Bengals  - Luke Kuechly – ILB/BC
The Bengals need more help defensively and adding the best defensive player available isn’t the worst thing you can do. I would love to see him play alongside Rey Maualuga on a linebacker corp. Adding a strong player that you can plug into any holes that you might have, which in Bengal-land is a lot.

26. Cleveland Browns (From Atlanta) – Zembrie Sanders – OT/FSU
Florida State has had a lot of turmoil this year but the one consistent spot on their roster has been the stellar play of Zembrie Sanders. If the Browns have any hope of keeping either RGIII or Colt McCoy healthy then they need to upgrade their line, especially in a division where James Harrison and Terrell Suggs eat QBs for breakfast and a light afternoon snack.

27. Baltimore Ravens – Whitney Mercilus – DE/Illini
For the first time in a long time, its not the offense that needs addressing in this year’s draft. They are going to have to deal with an aging Ray Lewis, Naga, Suggs, Reed, and the rest while the Browns and Bengals and Steelers continue to get younger. Mercilus smart player who understands schemes well, reacts quickly, and will be a good start to getting some fresh blood on that line and revitalizing that defense.

28. San Francisco 49ers -Janoris Jenkins – CB/North Bama
I honestly believe that most of San Fran’s problems are on offense and could use from another wideout and probably another solid running back to help out Frank Gore. However, Janoris Jenkins is a talent and if he was known for his good behavior and even temperament he would undoubtedly be going significantly higher. I do believe that someone like Harbaugh is willing to take a chance on someone this talented and get them to play to their potential.

29. New England Patriots – Jerel Worthy – DT/MSU
The Pats have two first round picks which of course mean that more than likely this pick is going to be traded away for two 3rd rounders and a meatball sub. IS that the smartest thing? Probably not considering this is an extremely deep NFL defensive draft and the Pats have the 31st worst defense in the league right now. Worthy would make a good opposite end player to Vince Wilfork and get the Pats back on track to closing the gap on another super bowl.

30. Green Bay Packers  - Fletcher Cox – DT/Miss St.
So close. I’m actually NOT picking Green Bay to go to and win the Super Bowl despite this incredible season. But there’s a reason that this is the first time that a team with the 32nd ranked defense hasn’t gone to the playoffs before and it will catch up to the Packers at some point. That means its time to address the needs immediately and getting a quality player like Fletcher Cox who is brilliant at creating havoc and turnovers would fit right into this defensive scheme.

31. Pittsburgh Steelers – Dontari Poe – DT/Memphis
Casey Hampton is one of the best nose tackles in the past decade. He has been dominant at this position but is on his last legs and most knees. The Steelers have done a good job revitalizing their defense with youth to prepare for the eventuality of their stars heading into the great wide retirement center in the sky. Dontari Poe is a mammoth of a man who shows the same nimbleness and quickness that made Hampton such an asset. Yes. Pittsburgh makes another trip to the Super Bowl.

32. New England Patriots (From New Orleans) – Jared Crick – DE/Nebraska
Congratulations are in order for the New Orleans Saints. Not only do they have an incredible offense but they have a defense that can actually make stops on the ball. That said, this pick belongs to the Patriots who should go two for two and completely change their defensive look. I love the play of Jared Crick, he plays bigger than he is, is a great swarmer, and the thing that Belichick will love more than anything else is the Bo Pelini speciality; text book tackler.

So there we have it. The entire first round of the 2012 NFL Draft done with 100% accuracy by your proud king and overlord, a man of vision, greatness, wisdom, and sexual virility. Also, he won the fantasy football championship this year so kiss the ring baby. But this isn’t about me. It’s about how right I’m going to be. I might make a second pass at this after the season is over or if anyone major decides to change their minds about declaring.

Hope you enjoyed it. GO VOLTRON FORCE!!

First show of the new year and we’re already showing our bias towards a certain college football conference. Don’t like it? Tell the Pac 12, Big Ten or Big XII to win something. Needless to say, we break down the BCS title game between LSU and Alabama.

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It’s 2/3 year in review and the other 1/3 is shit that happened this week. Sorry the sound quality sucks, Skype was being a beotch.

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The next to last show of the year… and we spend most of it trashing the NBA. It’s good to see that some things never change.

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Each year, the staff of Audibly Offensive cast our own ballots to determine our version of the Heisman Trophy. In each of the past three seasons, we’ve gotten it right. Can we make it three in a row? Join Pat, Lundy, Todd and special guest Christa Turner for this week’s award ceremony.

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It’s Rivalry Week in college football… and the show spends more time talking about the BCS chaos than which rivalry is better. Go figure.

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Being a weekly show, we’re a little behind the instant news of the world, but we did weigh in on the Penn State scandal as well as other topics such as the Heisman race and some of the NFL’s division races.

Also, the staff at Audibly Offensive would like to wish our own Veronica, aka: “Betty” a very happy birthday.

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